Understanding Emotionally Intense People

vanessa Klas understanding emotionally intense people

As an intense and sensitive soul you see and feel the world differently, you look for a purpose and meaning behind everything you do.

“Emotions I know all too well, a gift and a curse I live with on a daily basis. A part of me I finally understand enough to write about.”

The characteristics of emotional intensity are usually traits of heightened and intense feelings. You experience emotions powerfully, both positive and negative. Heightened feelings of love, excitement, happiness, sadness, anger, pain, stress and fear. This can sometimes lead to an internal battle between emotional vs rational reaction.

“Emotions are amplified, like a constant rollercoaster ride of thoughts and feelings on a ride that doesn’t seem to stop”

Other characteristics usually involve being an unusually deep thinker and viewing the world with complexity and depth. You fear rejection from people you hold dearest. Due to your all in or nothing ride or die nature, you are easily wounded by any slight hint of dishonesty or betrayal making forgiveness a hard task.

You are often aware of your internal world of thoughts and feelings. You tend to be very observant of everything such as words, tone and body language, which can manifest into obsessive thought patterns, assumptions or even self-judgement. You naturally spot the inconsistencies and dishonesty in human interactions due to your observant and intuitive nature. Other traits of emotional intensity include physical responses to worry and stress such as symptoms of migraine headaches and nausea and fatigue.

“Being intense means they have the ability to ‘absorb’ what others feel, sometimes without them saying anything.”

You are passionate, somewhat borderline obsessive. You love passionately, even though you may not show it explicitly. This applies to not only romance. You are very selective with your relationships and able to form strong valued connections with people, animals, and places that you hold dear for life. You experience life with an open mind and nostalgia. In relationships, you find spending time with your partner increasingly valuable.

You feel music and art on another level. It creates a safe and comfortable zone which allows you to feel completely absorbed, free to express themselves without feeling “weird or judged”. Sometimes, you may have difficulty pulling yourself out from an immersive experience.

With sensitivity comes intuition. They are highly intuitive and perceptive people who can pick up all the social nuances and small and minor changes in human interactions such as tone and body language in both intimate relationship and social gatherings.

The challenges of being emotionally intense.

Being an emotional sponge can be exhausting. Without building healthy emotional boundaries, it can be easy to fall into a cycle of overthinking.

1. You require a lot of space to yourself, and your partner may not understand this.

You function at your best when you are in your own creative bubble following your own schedule. You enjoy working on multiple projects at the same time – whether it’s actual physical projects or ideas and plans to make reality. However you live with internal anxiety over not having enough time to fulfil all your goals. Being very ambitious you get scared of not being able to reach your full potential.

Creative and entrepreneur endeavours require s lot of solitude which you may try to negotiate with your partner if they don’t understand your need. This is so they don’t feel left out, sidelined or ignored. When you do get inspired, you can focus and concentrate on your inspired project for long time, working on overdrive which may lead to eating or sleeping patterns that seem unhealthy. You are naturally a social – homebody therefore ideally require a partner with a similiar Stance or atleast a balance.

2. You often feel impatient, easily bored and lonely. If your relationships don’t meet your intellectual and emotional depth, you may end up feeling under-stimulated, and alone even when you are in a intimate relationship. You You are multi-passionate, enthusiastic and excitable and bring a lot of energy and ideas into a relationship and may not feel your input is not reciprocated which in turn can cause withdrawals.

You are dedicated in your love and search for adventure and explorations both physically, emotional intellectually, visually and sensually. You subconsciously fill bridge the gap through friendships and relationships. It can be difficult for you to find someone that you are romantically and intellectually attracted to whilst being able to connect with you emotionally and intellectually. They may simply be content with the ‘known’ world and have little curiosity. Your partner may be unable to keep up with your speed of processing your curiosity of the “unknown” and not share your eagerness for a deeper understanding leaving you feeling frustrated with their lack of curiosity, and in turn they may feel overwhelmed by your enthusiasm. Sadly, you may find yourself outgrowing one relationship after another until you find one that matches your depth.

3. You Build a wall up as a protective mechanism Like a lot of people, having been hurt or betrayed before, either in childhood or in previous relationships, you may have built a shield around yourself. This may not a conscious action but rather an automatic protective mechanism, you shut down when the pain got too much. In your mind, you have installed the idea that it is risky to trust people, People are not dependable, you don’t need anyone. Your “protective” shield can manifest in various ways, such as emotional detachment, feeling unwanted and social avoidance.

You may occupy your heart via ways of keeping busy. You tend to be the master of guarding your feelings and are able to stop yourself from falling in love. You crave a deep connection and can get envious of couples who seem to be ‘soulmates.’ Your superficial “mask” might temporarily allow you to feel safe and more in control, but in reality, it leaves you in a lonely, empty place in need of human warmth and love. This is not a sustainable pattern

4. You may carry your past traumas to the present. Being emotionally intense from an early childhood to adult may have led to a rollercoaster life filled with the experiences of being misunderstood, judged, criticised for being too much, or too laid back, too serious, too nonchalant ect

An intimate relationships is where all your old wounds, traumas and needs come to surface. The closer and safer you feel with someone, the more your “inner child” feels that they can, at long last, get the love and safety they craved. The need for love, security, understanding and all the things you needed but were never there now show up full force. This is you carrying your past into the present.

Your past traumas may cause you to overreact to small cues of being dismissed, humiliated or rejected. When triggered, in the extreme case you may revert to feeling and behaving like your inner child. You may become either non-responsive unreasonably, or throw a tantrum, only to regret it moments later when you are back in our adult mode.

If you find yourself triggered continuously by seemingly small events, or overreact to things people say especially in your relationships there are ways to manage your emotions through self care and mindfulness. Breaking down your barriers and letting go of old patterns requires a gradual process of compassion and self-love. Be kind and patient towards your need to close up. Becoming aware of it is the first step, then you can investigate the cause of it and you will be able to get pass it.

There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. The ultimate goal of your life is not to perfect but to be the best versions of yourself. It is necessary that you allow yourself the right to expression yourself and not bottle your emotions. The journey starts with loving and knowing yourself. Take time to sit down with yourself and clarify what matters to you – your feelings, values, priorities and beliefs.

The clarity you gain from self-reflection gives you a solid sense of self, which then allows you to be in union with others without losing yourself.


  1. Primrose
    June 12, 2020 / 3:35 pm

    Love this piece it takes deep connection for someone to understand he/hers emotions and to able to apply this in their everyday living. It’s also easy to lose touch with yourself if you deeply don’t know who you are and what drives you.

  2. Kimberly
    June 30, 2020 / 1:23 am

    This is powerful!
    I can relate too so much of the traits you mentioned.
    Feels good reading this because I don’t feel “weird” or over the top now I understand I’m emotionally intense. Thank you Vanessa, you gained a follower.

  3. Shelly T
    June 30, 2020 / 1:28 am

    Hi sis, just saw you post the link on your IG Q&A, I just finished reading this and wow. It takes a lot of self awareness and acknowledgement to fully understand your emotional depth. Thank you for sharing this.

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